Also, include details about how well your child did or how much fun you and your child had when trying this new activity.
The next time your child is afraid to try something new, break out the adventure diary, and talk about the great times you had because your child was brave enough to try.
When you talk to your child about trying new things, make it a discussion rather than a lecture. While you should encourage your child to take risks, you should avoid pushing too hard. Instead of pushing your child beyond their perceived limits, let them take short breaks and return to the challenging task reenergized. Allowing short breaks to regroup will help your child feel calmer and more comfortable, making the experience more positive.
For example, have your family sit at the dinner table so your child can practice approaching and asking to sit with you. Practice conversations, greetings, and other interactions that make your child feel nervous. These dress rehearsals will familiarize your child with new situations, making them feel less unfamiliar and scary.
As your child begins to feel confident and prepared, their worries about new social situations will dissipate. Think of it like learning to ride a bike by starting with training wheels. For instance, if your child is nervous about playing a piano piece at a recital, they can first perform at home in front of mom and dad.
Next, they can play the piece for a friend. Later, they can perform for a larger audience, like at your next family gathering. Each step gradually brings your child closer to playing confidently at their recital.
If your child is afraid to get in a pool, try playing in sprinklers first and allowing the water to touch their faces. Our popular The Confidence of a Lion poster is a wonderful way to build self-esteem, help kids recognize their strengths, and encourage positive self-talk. Or he stayed in bed all night rather than waking you at 3 a. Be sure to let him know how much you appreciate his efforts and don't forget to add how nice it was to ride with him to school without feeling rushed, or how well-rested you feel from that uninterrupted night's sleep.
It's pretty simple: If you want your kids to stop fighting so much with their siblings, rather than offering them candy or other rewards to "be good," try to resolve your conflicts with your spouse in a loving and admirable way. To help them remember their manners , make sure you say "please" and "thank you" to them too. And when you're on the phone and your child wants your attention, don't tell her "just a sec" if it's going to be more like 20 minutes.
According to Dr. Mogel, doing so teaches your children that you're going to put them off for as long as you can get away with and that you don't keep your word. Playing loosey-goosey with time also means that your kids probably will too, so don't be surprised when you tell them it's time to leave a party or clear the table, and they say "just a sec" and don't mean it either. Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say, can be highly motivating indeed.
The key to motivating kids is different than what's commonly thought, reports journalist Paul Tough in his book How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. We asked him to explain. Until recently, researchers believed that the leading factor in a child's success was cognitive skills, the kind of intelligence that gets measured on IQ tests, including the abilities to recognize letters and words. But in my visits with psychologists, doctors, and economists around the country, I learned they've identified more important qualities that lead to success: persistence, self-control, curiosity, grit, conscientiousness, self-confidence, and optimism.
Having a strong relationship with your child may be even more important than we've thought. Studies show that children with a secure attachment to their parents -- even 3- and 4-year-olds -- have greater resiliency and are more self-reliant.
It's also important to remember that character strengths like curiosity and self-control can be taught. They don't appear magically as a result of good genes. There's a lot we can do to influence their development in children. My wife and I had our son, who's now 4, just as I began reporting this book. When he was born, I believed that the faster he mastered reading and math the better he would do in life.
Now, I'm much more invested in his character. They need to experience the process of making mistakes and failing, and then bouncing back and recovering. As they grow up, they're going to be much better at facing setbacks. Game-based learning can be very advantageous for many reasons. Using games as an education tool not only provides opportunities for deeper learning and development of non-cognitive skills, it helps motivate children to want to learn. When a child is actively engaged with a game, their mind experiences the pleasure of learning a new system.
This is true regardless of whether the game is considered "entertainment" e. Games that are entertaining provide the added benefit of motivating children to want to engage in the learning process and want to learn more. Game-based learning is also an effective motivation for team-based learning — which can be particularly beneficial for children in a classroom setting. Students typically try harder at games than they do in courses. Games are more engaging.
There is also the competitive aspect to playing games. Students are trying to compete or win, on behalf of themselves or their team. They may strive to perform at a higher level in an effort to earn more points for their team or because they want the opportunity to play.
Game-based learning is a great way for parents and teachers to introduce new ideas, grammar, concepts, and knowledge in a way that motivates children to learn. Instead of asking your child how he did on his math test as soon as he gets home from school, have him teach you what he learned in math today. Focus on what your child is learning, as opposed to how he is performing. While performance is important, focusing on his learning experience will 1 communicate to your child that actual learning is more important than test grades, 2 results are not the most important thing, 3 you're more concerned about him than you are about his performance and 4 by focusing on his learning experience that day you'll provide him the opportunity to put into his own words his lesson and solidify what he's learned.
Helping your child organize his papers, books and assignments will go a long way to helping him feel motivated to learn. Disorganization is typical among young school age children, but it can also lead to a feeling of being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed children spend more time and effort being frustrated and worried than they do learning. Be patient, but consistent, in helping your child organize his school supplies and assignments. This will help him feel in control, less overwhelmed and more motivated to learn.
No matter how small they may be, it's important to recognize and celebrate your child's achievements. This is especially important for elementary age school children who require constant positive reinforcement to keep them motivated to learn and challenge themselves to do better.
We're not suggesting that you praise mediocrity, but that you offer recognition and celebrate your child's achievements. Finishing a difficult project deserves a special treat; doing well on a math test could call for a trip to get ice cream. So praising ability has an immediate benefit in motivation, but it also has a long-term cost in vulnerability when facing failure or difficult situations.
Ability-vs-effort is not the only determining element in the effectiveness of an encouragement. Process includes not only effort but also other qualities such as strategies, thoughtfulness, concentration, self-corrections. For more help on calming tantrums, check out this step-by-step guide. They are given intending to manipulate or control. When encouragement is used as a controlling tool, they utter approval and positive evaluation, which is contingent upon good results or performance.
Kids as young as two years old or preschoolers develop a sense of self-worth. When kids view that their feelings of self-worth are contingent on approval and positive judgement, they seek goals that are self-valuation focused. For example, if a child feel that his self-worth is affected by how well he plays football, then his goals will be to perform well in practice and matches to increase or maintain a strong sense of self.
That means kids who feel their self-worth is contingent on approval will not want to try new things, fearing novelty means less expertise to achieve good outcomes.
These kids are also less creative because innovation might disrupt the culture norm, resulting in negative judgement.
Think about how it feels when you compare yourself with a more successful peer. But when we fail, it probably depresses rather than motivates us. Similarly, comparison praising leaves children vulnerable to future setbacks. They become less resilient. Like conditional praise, social-comparison encouragement teaches children that winning, not learning, is the goal.
Handing out encouraging words for tasks that are easy to complete, or not done well, is perceived as insincere. For kids who have low self-esteem, their parents may give inflated praise in an attempt to help raise it.
For kids who have high self-esteem, inflated praise does not lower self-esteem, but cultivates narcissism. Overpraising also conditions kids to expect praises every time. It becomes an extrinsic reward that reduces, not increases, motivation. Frequent praising also leads children to believe the absence of praise signifies failure. Praise is a double-edged sword. Be spontaneous. For example, include an encouraging note for a child, provide affirmation or offer appreciation words for kids as a surprise.
You can also encourage your child physically, e. Do not make it a habit to praise every positive action. Benefits of praising a child disappear when it is expected. If you are looking for additional tips and an actual step-by-step plan, this online course How To Motivate Kids is a great place to start. It gives you the steps you need to identify motivation issues in your child and the strategy you can apply to help your child build self-motivation and become passionate in learning.
Parenting For Brain does not provide medical advice.
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