Sounds ridiculous, sure, but you'll notice patterns, when and why you drop off, times when you assume you're speaking loudly but you're really not, etc. At the beginning you'll feel like an actor and do things actors do to get in the moment , but it will become an old habit. Practice makes habits, you know! Don't compare yourself to others. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you will feel that you are not able to measure up and the more intimidated you will feel, which will make you shyer.
There is no use to compare yourself to anybody else -- but if you do, do it realistically. Everyone else is overwrought with self-assurance problems, too! If you have some super confident and extroverted friends or family members, ask them about this topic.
They'll probably say something, "Oh, yeah, I totally make it a conscious thing to put myself out there" or "I used to be terrible.
I really had to work at it. Think about how gosh darn great you are. Everyone has some special gift or trait to offer to the world. It may sound corny, but it's true. Think about what you know, what you can do, and what you have accomplished, rather than fixating on how you look, sound, or dress. Keep in mind that everyone, even the "beautiful people," has something about themselves or their life that they don't like.
There's no particular reason why your "problem" should make you shy while their "problem" doesn't make them shy. When you concentrate on this, you'll realize you have plenty to offer any group or situation. Your resources and skills are needed to improve any issue, conversation, or circumstance. Knowing this, you'll feel more inclined to speak up. Identify your social value and strengths. Just because you're not the alpha in the room, have the most booming voice, or get the party started doesn't mean you lack social strengths.
Are you a great listener? Do you have an eye for detail? It's possible it's something that's not even occurred to you, so sit back for a second.
Are you better at observing than most of those around you? Your strengths can give you an advantage. If you're a great listener, you'll probably be able to see when someone has a problem and needs to vent a little.
In this circumstance, they are the one that needs you. There's nothing threatening about that situation. So ask them what's up! You noticed they're steaming at the ears a little bit -- can you lend an ear of yours? In every social group, all the roles need to be filled. You have a place even if you don't see it. None is better than any other -- know that your value, whatever it may be, completes the group dynamic.
Don't get caught up in labels. For the record, popular people aren't happy. Extroverts aren't necessarily popular or happy and shy people aren't necessarily introverts, unhappy, or cold and aloof.
Just as you don't want to be caught up in labels, don't tack them onto anyone else either. The popular kids at school are trying super hard, day in and day out, to be popular.
They're trying to conform and fit in and succeeding. Good on them, but it doesn't mean they're happy or that it'll last. Trying to emulate something that isn't as it seems won't get you anywhere.
You're better off going to the beat of your own drum -- the high school drum ends, the college drum ends, and then what would you be left with? A couple of drumsticks and a funny hat.
Part 3. Get informed. If you're attending a party next week, it's a good idea to prepare yourself with a couple hot topics. Is the government shutting down again? A hot TV show finale? An international event? Read up. That way when the topic comes up in conversation, you'll be able to chip in. You're not looking to impress here with your thorough and in-depth knowledge. You're simply looking to join in. Others aren't looking to be judged or be handed opinions, so keep it light and friendly.
A simple, "Man, I wouldn't want to be in Boehner's shoes" can keep the conversation from hitting a standstill. Think of conversations in stages. Social interaction can be simplified, to a point. When you get down the basic steps and internalize them, you'll be ready to go about conversations on autopilot, which is a lot less stressful.
It's small talk at its finest. Stage two are the introductions. Stage three is finding some common ground, some topic you can both talk about. Stage four is closing, one party informing the other of their departure, and summing up, possibly exchanging information. Here's my card -- let's chat again soon! Start a conversation. Remember that awesome project you completed? That mountain you hiked up?
That illness you overcame? If you can do all those things, this conversation will be a piece of cake. A random comment about something you two share will start it off -- "This dang bus is always late," or "Just gotta have faith that the coffee is coming! Bossman's tie today? If someone asks you where you live, it's easy for the conversation to stop in a super-awkward, feel-like-you've-failed dead halt.
Instead of replying, "Oh, cool. Warm up. If you're at a party, you can have the same exact conversation over and over and over. Hit up one or two people at a time and practice the same social pleasantries and platitudes until you've got it and are practically nauseated. Then move back to the people you really enjoyed talking to. You can zero in on a real conversation then.
Start off quickly, each conversation only lasting a few minutes. This will take the pressure off you and probably make you less nervous -- when the end is seconds away, it's not that scary. Then you can focus your time and energy on those you'd like to be friends with.
Really, it makes the most sense for your time and resources! Look and act approachable. Convey an open, friendly attitude with your body language. Make sure to keep your arms uncrossed, your head up, and your hands not preoccupied.
No one will talk to you if you're buried in a game of Candy Crush. They're just being polite! Think of the people you would want to approach. What do their bodies and faces say? Now think of the people you wouldn't want to approach.
How you're sitting right now -- where does it fall on the spectrum? Smile and make eye contact. A simple smile in the direction of a stranger may brighten your day, and it will brighten theirs too! Smiling is a friendly way to acknowledge others, and it makes a pretty good lead-in to start a conversation with anyone, stranger or friend. You're showing you're harmless, friendly, and wanting to engage.
A simple look at prisoners in solitary confinement will prove that. All of us are seeking interaction and reaffirmation. You're not imposing on their day -- you're making it more vibrant and, well, better. Think about your body. When you're in a group of people or even just one person , you'll probably get caught up in some shy thoughts. That's normal at the beginning. If you find yourself getting anxious, ask yourself these questions: [13] X Research source Am I breathing?
If you can slow your breath, your body will automatically relax. Am I relaxed? Move your body to a more comfortable position if not. Am I open? You may be taking cues from your own positioning. Opening up may change how others view you as part of the group. Part 4. Set goals for yourself.
It's not enough to think "I'm gonna go out there and not be shy! You need action-oriented goals, like talking to a stranger or initiating conversation with a cute boy or girl you know. We'll cover these actions in the next section. Even asking a stranger the time can be a daunting task.
Don't write off these small chances as no big deal -- they're huge! You can work up to talking in front of huge crowds in a bit. Slow down! Find what's comfortable for you. Straight up, moshing at a rave or drinking all night long at a club may not be for you -- that has nothing to do with shyness.
If you'd rather be trimming your grandmother's toenails, listen to that. Don't try to conquer your shyness in environments you straight up can't stand. It won't stick. You don't have to be doing what everybody else is doing. And if you do, you're not going to stick with it and you're not going to find people who you like and are similar to you.
Why waste your time?! If the bar scene isn't for you, that's totally fine. Practice your social skills in coffee houses, at small gatherings, or at work. They're more applicable to your life. Practice placing yourself in not-so-comfortable situations. Alright, so we don't want you in places where you are hiding in the corner pinching yourself to numb the social pain, but you do need to put yourself in environments where you're just a step or two out of your element.
How else will you grow? There's no need to advertise your shyness. Those who are close to you already know, and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It's not as visible as you probably think. If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly. If you blush when you're uncomfortable, don't equate it with shyness.
Let it stand on its own: "I've always been quick to blush. Don't label yourself as shy--or as anything. Let yourself be defined as a unique individual, not a single trait. Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don't allow your inner critic to put you down.
Instead, analyze the power of that voice so you can defuse it. Those who are close to you already know, and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It's not as visible as you probably think. If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly.
If you blush when you're uncomfortable, don't equate it with shyness. Let it stand on its own: "I've always been quick to blush. Don't label yourself as shy--or as anything. Let yourself be defined as a unique individual, not a single trait.
Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don't allow your inner critic to put you down. Instead, analyze the power of that voice so you can defuse it. Make a list of all your positive qualities--enlist a friend or family member to help if you need to--and read or recite it when you're feeling insecure. Let it remind you how much you have to offer.
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